I thought I’d seen it all, folks.
I thought I’d seen the true devotion of the creepy Bono fan. I thought I’d seen the pure depravity of a dedicated U2 lover.
I was wrong.
In my surfings for fresh anti-Bono material I came across something… something I’d never even stopped to consider the existence of before.
SEXY BONO FAN FICTION.
It turns out that there’s a plethora of this stuff out there. In fact, there’s a whole forum dedicated to it on this U2 Fansite.
But grand prize for burning a nightmarish scenario into my cerebral cortex goes to Carrie Anderson, author of Heartland Bono Fan Fiction.
Against my better judgement I’m going to reprint a passage from one of her chapters - ‘French Connection - Part 10(b)‘ - but I warn you, some things cannot be unseen:
Debbie put her hands on his shoulders and pulled him closer. She could feel his taut muscles under her hands, so strong and firm. Then, she stuck out her tongue and started to lick the sticky cream from his chest. It tasted so good, and the feel of his skin and his hairs on her tongue was wonderful. Above her, Bono was murmuring gently, and she wished she could see his face, to see his expression.
“Some went lower down, darling,” Bono reminded, and Debbie moved lower, running her tongue into his belly button. Bono’s stomach was rising and falling with his excited breathing, and he was moaning above her. Debbie attended to the ice cream there, and then wriggled lower on the bed. The fly of his jeans was right in front of her, straining.
Sorry, I just threw up in my mouth a little… okay… okay I’m good.
“Didn’t some go in here?” she asked. She looked up and Bono’s face was alight with desire. He licked his lips.
“Yes, I think it did. Let me help you.” He unzipped his jeans and Debbie pulled at them, lowering them. His hardness reared up into her mouth, and she licked it. No ice cream there, but it tasted wonderful nevertheless.
Bono moaned loudly and put his hands in her hair, guiding himself in.
Excuse me for a moment:
That’s better.
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12 comments ↓
you’re just jeal cos bono’s a better lover then you
I feel sick
Hey! Thanks for the publicity
And just remember… you don’t have to take this - or life - so seriously.
Chill man!
XX
Way to go Carrie!
Bono lovers and haters unite!
It’s a caring, sharing world
Come one, come all….
This is a funny blog. Each to their own. This guy spends so many of his waking hours dedicating his time to Bono. Got to hand it to him for that. If that’s hate in his heart, then it’s coming over in a kind of “obsessive love” way. In many ways it’s not unlike my own blog.
Exactly.
I’d like to give a big shout out to Carrie for having a great sense of humour and not taking me too seriously!
Trust me, it’s refreshing.
How funny is this!
Ha ha ha - good grief, mills and Boon eat your heart out. is this for real? ? it’s the kind of thing drunk old Gin-lushes might consume in between mouthfuls of HRT and and martini’s…
… I can see daphne de maurie typing away in the wings..
That is sick. Bono would probably be doing that to a goat in the real-life version. What kind of wierdo would write a story like that?
I might get rid of Bono for us next time he comes to Sydney….
#1 pippin on 11.19.08 at 2:52 pm you’re just jeal cos bono’s a better lover then you
#2 mark buckley on 11.19.08 at 6:30 pm I feel sick
#3 Carrie Anderson on 11.21.08 at 9:56 am Hey! Thanks for the publicity And just remember… you don’t have to take this - or life - so seriously.
Chill man!
XX
#4 nulloid on 11.21.08 at 10:29 am Way to go Carrie!
Bono lovers and haters unite!
#5 Carrie Anderson on 11.21.08 at 11:29 am It’s a caring, sharing world
Come one, come all….
This is a funny blog. Each to their own. This guy spends so many of his waking hours dedicating his time to Bono. Got to hand it to him for that. If that’s hate in his heart, then it’s coming over in a kind of “obsessive love” way. In many ways it’s not unlike my own blog.
SHUT YOUR DELUDED, MENTALLY STUNTED MOUTHS YOU FUCKING SYCPHANTIC RETARDS (no offense to retarded people).
BY THE WAY, THE SECRETS OUT, BONER FUCKS GOATS!
HA HA, OH YEAH, GREAT PUBLICITY! AAH HA HA HA HAAAA!
We’re not uniting either, you bellend, but keep telling yourself that if it brings you comfort, poor likal wikal bonerite.
Fuck!
I wouldn’t want that mental fucked up bitch stalking me!
(that’s presuming Carrie’s a woman)
Believe me Carrie, i take this VERY seriously.
Let’s hope some p.t.s.d. killer back from Iraq splatters his guts all over the wall.
The sooner the fucking better!
To the guy who runs this website - can you email me at john@johnnox.wanadoo.co.uk
I’m a journalist in the UK writing a feature for a newspaper about anti-celebrity websites around the world and would be really grateful if you could drop me a line.
Thanks!
Yeah, finally a site that thinks the same as Bono. I, too, hate him. A lot. Fab site, congrats! You have a new reader! BTW, you should check The End of Poverty, by Jeffrey Sachs, it has an introduction written by Bono, who self proclaims himself a fan of this economist. The puking will never end…
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