It’s not an obsession, it’s a way of life

Somebody over at AssociatedContent has compiled a nice little list entitled “Top Ten Biggest Douchebags of All Time“.

I’m not sure how I feel about the results. Bono placed number 8 with this justification:

U2 is a band of tree-loving, pot-smoking, WNBA watching hippies, and Bono is their leader. If this guy does not qualify as a total douchebag, I’m not sure who does. ‘Nuff said.

I mean, putting Hitler at number 1? I’m gonna have a hard time arguing with that. Also, George W. Bush at 3? That’s a pretty fuckin’ big bag of douche.

Still, if you only get edged out by Hitler and Bush Jr. that’s not saying a lot for you.

Well, I’ve come home from a drinking session and I think I’ll attempt a drunken post.

What’s that? What’d you say? Of course this isn’t a good idea, but it’s my website so I can post whatever drunken anti-Bono rants I like.

Know why? I own this shit, motherfuckers. I declare myself the Interweb’s premier Bono hater, and I defy anyone to step to that. I’ll be hating that Irish punk bitch until he stops being a soulless corporate sellout (read: when he’s dead). I’m not convinced I’ll stop hating him at that point either, though.

Uh oh.

I’m running out of drunken steam and I’ve totally forgotten my point.

Oh yeah, I hate Bono. That’s what I was getting at. I’d like to punch him in the fucking face and turn those glasses into contacts. Too harsh? You be the judge. Or alternatively, you can hypothesize about what kind of violence you’d like to imagine yourself visiting on BonBon.

*Special note to Bono’s Lawyers: If you’re reading this please note the use of “I’d like to” and “you can hypothesize“. You can’t police my fantasies, you fucks.*

A previously unheard of (to me, anyway) website called Encyclopedia Dramatica (a name I like) has an entry on U2.
Here’s some highlights:

If you want to listen to U2 music, follow these steps:

* Sit firmly on a chair.
* Buy a $300 t-shirt.
* Wear the t-shirt.
* Punch yourself in the dick.
* The sounds of your moaning will resemble that of U2.

Congratulations, you’ve just heard U2 without buying a CD or wasting your bandwidth.

and:

An incredibly moronic band hailing from the barren tundra of Ireland and discovered by Steve Jobs, U2 have established themselves as one of the most self-indulgent, uncreative and worst bands ever. Lead by giant asshole and douchebag Sonny Bono, pronounced Bone-oh… and guitarist “The Stick”, they create a unique brand of shitty lyrics about love and poor production. They have the inhuman ability to play the same song for over twenty years and as a result have burnt out approximately a quarter million delay pedals.

At one point, U2 was using their special-edition U2 iPod to replace the other two musicians. Bono was recently a top contender for the position of Pope, but lost the Eurovision Song Contest to the German contestant, who was apparently the Emperor from Battlestar Galactica or some shit.

It all has the distinct flavor of a slightly psychotic homebrew wiki, but they get points for enthusiasm.

Amy Winehouse seems to think that Bono’s a bit shit, judging by this report on spinner.com:

Winehouse recounted a meeting with the newly knighted singer and labelmate at a recent awards ceremony, where she refused to stand — or allow her father to stand — during an ovation for U2. The firecracker singer mumbled “shut up” throughout Bono’s acceptance speech, and when he later introduced himself, saying it was “lovely to meet you,” all Winehouse could muster was a cool kiss-off of “Thank you for funding my albums. Bye.”

I also liked this quote from the Observer:

‘Shut up! I don’t give a fuck!’

Amy Winehouse responds to U2 frontman Bono’s Q music awards acceptance speech. If that’s not jealousy speaking, it could be the booze. Though she may actually mean it.

She’s a firecracker!